Tag Archives: relationship building

What do you want from a Metaphor: #8

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The image you chose as a metaphor

8.    should support the wedding vows you are making.

You don’t need to have it in the vows, but the picture the image offers helps everyone to under­stand why you are offering those specific promises.

Your vows should be written from your strengths, values and talents. They should shore up those areas of your rela­tion­ship that are not perhaps inately your best talents. Your metaphor should help everyone envi­sion the work you are under­taking. It should be a talisman throughout the years to remind you of the work you are doing… and the joy you have in making these commitments.

Tip: The stronger the iden­ti­fi­ca­tion you can make with a metaphor, and the more frequently the image appears in your life, the more support it will offer your marriage. It will also remind your commu­nity to support you when­ever they see the image show up and they make the connec­tion to your promises to one another.

What do you want from a Metaphor: #7

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The image of a metaphor is strength­ened if

7. it is some­what common.

You want to rein­force the notion that love is ubiq­ui­tous and that your rela­tion­ship thrives in the every day. Marriage, after all is an every day activity. The metaphor you choose to illus­trate your love in your wedding cere­mony should be frequently encountered.

If some­thing is too exotic in your life, then your chances of encoun­tering it are slimmer. You loose the rein­force­ment that common activ­i­ties offer. So using an image that involves the life-​​cycle of a camel if you live in Rhode Island, even if it can be made glori­ously beau­tiful, is not going to provide the daily rein­force­ment that the tides of the sea or the changing of the seasons might.

Tip: Choose a metaphor to describe your rela­tion­ship that has value and frequency in your life. Then it can be some­thing more than poetic beauty, it can be a marital aid.

What do you want from a Metaphor: #6

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Metaphors work best

6.    When there is an activity that accom­pa­nies it.

Food you eat, things you plant, water you spill out. These allow the image to settle in more deeply.

The more common the images, the more they will be rein­forced in our daily lives.  The more they’re rein­forced in our daily lives, the greater the meaninng they will have in our marriages.

Tip: choose a metaphor to describe your love that can be rein­forced with a small activity. Use it in your wedding cere­mony. For 3 weeks after­wards, do the action and think of the way you love one another. There you are, with your love for one another sealed into the sharing of bread, for the rest of your life.

What do you want from a Metaphor: #5

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What else is going to make a metaphor able to support you as time goes on?

5.    The image should be comfortable.

You want an image that will settle into your hearts and psyches and provide an a continual glow to renew your connec­tion with your wedding day.

Metaphors that work are simple, attrac­tive and don’t unsettle you. They should invite you. If your love is like a warm blanket, then every time you and your beloved get into bed and pull a partic­ular blanket up over you, perhaps a coverlet you received as part of your wedding gifts, you’re rein­forcing the image you gener­ated at your wedding. All of the bless­ings of the marriage bed are in that simple action of pulling up the covers.

Tip: Find an image to use that will serve you into the life of your marriage. Choose a metaphor that will become more rather than less comfort­able. Some­thing that will wear in, rather than out, as it gets more use.

What do you want from a Metaphor: #4

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Metaphors work, as I’ve pointed out. But what you want is for them to work well. You’re looking for them to help out your marriage. So, choose a metaphor that will help you.

4.    The image should be “conta­gious” and appealing. It should be some­thing that people can under­stand quickly.

Hall­mark does so well because it uses metaphors that appeal to us. Your job is to find some­thing that appeals specif­i­cally to you, but is completely gras­pable by your community.

Part of the lovely nature of metaphor is that it takes some­thing complex and simpli­fies it for us. OH, your love is like a game of tennis between two friendly and seasoned competi­tors. Good volleys, inter­esting shots, as much interest in an enjoy­able game as in winning the point. (No, really, there are people like that!)

Tip: Find a metaphor that is attrac­tive. Some­thing you would want in your life on a daily basis. Some­thing simple you can work with on a daily basis and then let it help you grow a great marriage.