Tag Archives: intimacy in marriage

What do you want from a Metaphor: #7

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The image of a metaphor is strength­ened if

7. it is some­what common.

You want to rein­force the notion that love is ubiq­ui­tous and that your rela­tion­ship thrives in the every day. Marriage, after all is an every day activity. The metaphor you choose to illus­trate your love in your wedding cere­mony should be frequently encountered.

If some­thing is too exotic in your life, then your chances of encoun­tering it are slimmer. You loose the rein­force­ment that common activ­i­ties offer. So using an image that involves the life-​​cycle of a camel if you live in Rhode Island, even if it can be made glori­ously beau­tiful, is not going to provide the daily rein­force­ment that the tides of the sea or the changing of the seasons might.

Tip: Choose a metaphor to describe your rela­tion­ship that has value and frequency in your life. Then it can be some­thing more than poetic beauty, it can be a marital aid.

What do you want from a Metaphor: #6

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Metaphors work best

6.    When there is an activity that accom­pa­nies it.

Food you eat, things you plant, water you spill out. These allow the image to settle in more deeply.

The more common the images, the more they will be rein­forced in our daily lives.  The more they’re rein­forced in our daily lives, the greater the meaninng they will have in our marriages.

Tip: choose a metaphor to describe your love that can be rein­forced with a small activity. Use it in your wedding cere­mony. For 3 weeks after­wards, do the action and think of the way you love one another. There you are, with your love for one another sealed into the sharing of bread, for the rest of your life.

What do you want from a Metaphor: #5

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What else is going to make a metaphor able to support you as time goes on?

5.    The image should be comfortable.

You want an image that will settle into your hearts and psyches and provide an a continual glow to renew your connec­tion with your wedding day.

Metaphors that work are simple, attrac­tive and don’t unsettle you. They should invite you. If your love is like a warm blanket, then every time you and your beloved get into bed and pull a partic­ular blanket up over you, perhaps a coverlet you received as part of your wedding gifts, you’re rein­forcing the image you gener­ated at your wedding. All of the bless­ings of the marriage bed are in that simple action of pulling up the covers.

Tip: Find an image to use that will serve you into the life of your marriage. Choose a metaphor that will become more rather than less comfort­able. Some­thing that will wear in, rather than out, as it gets more use.

Ten of 1–10: the Work of Wedding Vows

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It’s frus­trating that with our emphasis on the impor­tance of the wedding, we fail to under­stand that marriages are made day by day. Sure, in your wedding cere­mony you announce your vows. But really, these are promises you’ve been working out over the span of your rela­tion­ship. They will continue to trans­form and become more clear and more useful along with the relationship.

But some­thing else is true about vows:

Promises are some­thing you make and keep every day. Your wedding day is simply the start of your promise-​​making. Everyday is the day you agree to the impor­tance of these vows. Every day is the day you decide to make your marriage happy and healthy.

Tip: If you under­stand that your promises are a work in progress, that every day when you roll over in bed to greet your beloved, that you are recom­miting to marriage, your marriage will be richer. Every day you have the oppor­tu­nity to do what is right for you, right for your partner and right for your part­ner­ship. It’s up to you: are you going to guard your promises and work hard at loving, honoring, cher­ishing and respecting. I hope so. No reason not to make your marriage a work of art and love.

Nine of 1–10: The Work of Wedding Vows

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The old saw, “Love means never having to say I’m sorry,” has pretty much been consigned to the trash heap along with the rest of the rusty notions about rela­tion­ship. The fact is good rela­tion­ship thrives on each partner’s ability to be self reflec­tive. Here’s what that means with regard to your wedding vows:

That you will recog­nize, admit, repent and make amends to trans­gres­sions, both large and small of those vows.

Being able to say “oh, I could have done that differ­ently, I’m sorry if my actions hurt you” is an incred­ibly impor­tant activity in a marriage. Obvi­ously, there are times, when trans­gres­sions are larger, that you will need more than an ‘aw shucks, honey, I didn’t mean not to listen (when you said it hurt you that I was having an affair!), but even when you blow past the inten­tions of your promises, you want to recon­sider and recommit to their value in your life.

I found someone to agree with me as I was running past twitter on my way over here: Lonnie Hodge: “I think true integrity lies in the ability to express remorse –espe­cially when there is nothing to gain except the truth.” But in marriage what there is to gain is a great relationship.

Tip: Keep your marriage vows close to your heart and your mind. You know it’s not always the big ways we offend our vows that breaks them down. It’s the tiny little slights and indif­fer­ences. How well do you cherish your partner? How does that reflect on you? Do you want to be a person who doesn’t keep your vows, who doesn’t cherish your partner? No. you don’t. So, you want to do your work here!