Tag Archives: community support

10 Steps to Building the Perfect Wedding Ceremony: 2b The Community

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You’re getting married and you’ve invited these amazing people to your wedding. You’ve brought together the most impor­tant people from your two lives to witness your wedding vows and cele­brate your move­ment into marriage.

Your commu­nity:

  1. Who are they?
  2. What do they mean to you?
  3. What do you want them to do today?
  4. What do you want them to remember about Love and Marriage?

One of the most wonderful things that happens at a wedding is that somebody”s Aunt Jane gets to meet your best friend’s wife because they have so much in common. Getting that bonding happening is building bridges for your marriage. Those bridges will serve you throughout your marriage. You want your commu­nity to mingle. You want them to remember the impor­tant ways in which love has changed their lives. You want them to know how impor­tant they all are to you.

Tip: Take the time to tell your commu­nity why they’re impor­tant to you. And then tell them what you’re offering them at your wedding: a chance for the most impor­tant people in both your lives to meet, greet and get acquainted — all while having a great time!

10 Steps to Your Perfect Wedding Ceremony: #2a History

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What is marriage? Why have you decided to commit your lives to one another in this way? In the Invo­ca­tion the first thing you want to talk about is

History: You are not the first people to stand hand and hand with your beloved before your commu­nity. This is not the first commu­nity to gather to witness. Your wedding is one in the long tail of history. As you stand today, so shall others stand tomorrow.

There is amazing strength in history’s sweep. Even if your marriage does not look just like everyone else’s (hint: no one marriage looks like everyone else’s)., you want to tap into the power of history.

If you believe in marriage equality, this is a good place to state that belief: saying that you believe in the impor­tance of the free access to legal marriage for all people.

Tip: Proudly claim your place as people seeking your community’s support as you declare your promises to live together in love.

include your community & lower wedding costs

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OK, The Wedding Priestess will acknowl­edge right off that there’s a fine line here. I am not advo­cating one of those made-​​for-​​tv-​​mini-​​series where Bride and Groom Zilla abuse their commu­nity and demand that everyone do it “their way.”

And what I’m suggesting still has a price tag. You’re going to spend money on your wedding. You’re still going to have to manage a budget.

But your wedding can also be an invest­ment in the future of your commu­nity. The more your commu­nity is drawn in, the more they partic­i­pate in the making of the wedding; the more likely they are to partic­i­pate in the growth of the marriage.

Not everyone is going to want to make their wedding gift an activity or a service. But some will. Some will love finding ways to partic­i­pate with you. There’s uncer­tainty to live with. You’ll never know what every­thing is going to look like day of or what’s going to happen, but it’ll be great. Your commu­nity will enjoy it — and so will you. (You are going to have to work on the meaning of the cere­mony and the wedding vows so that people know they’re partic­i­pating in some­thing that makes a difference!)

This is only viable if you are people who are under­stood to invest in your communities.

Tip: consider a commu­nity wedding, where the emphasis is on the people in your lives and your desire for them to witness your vows and cele­brate together. And then see what kind of wedding magic you can make together.

Acceptance of gay marriage creeping into mainstream! Yahoo!

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Last night when I should have been sleeping, I was trolling msnbc.com (a new unfor­tu­nate habit!) and wound up watching the President’s speech to journalists.

Pres­i­dent Obama was riffing (which is fairly amusing to see) about himself, his gorgeous wife, Democ­rats and Repub­li­cans. He then made a joke about one of his advi­sors. He said, “yep when he and I got together, he said let’s do what so many part­ners are doing. Let’s go to Iowa and make it official.”

Your Pres­i­dent and mine, making a joke that acknowl­edges gay marriage in an approving way! Your Pres­i­dent and mine unafraid to create a vision of himself as a guy with a male partner! That’s progress that we need.

Tip: You heard it here first, middle and last.

  1. Gay marriage is not what’s causing prob­lems in hetero­sexual marriages.
  2. There is not too much love in the world.
  3. There are not too many stable fami­lies in our communities.
  4. It’s time to stop working to keep people out of marriage and time to start trying to keep people in them.

Gay marriage, their right, our respon­si­bility. Straight marriage? Same deal.

Good on Barack!

Keep Building Community Support after Your Wedding

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There’s one last area that will build commu­nity support for your marriage:

Your Post Wedding Behavior!

Offer your commu­nity oppor­tu­ni­ties to partic­i­pate in your life. Plan parties and picnics and work projects. Make them a piece of who you are and what you do.

And then, let people under­stand how you’re living into your vows by the way you deal with one another. People are seduced by couples who treat one another with respect and affec­tion. Do things you enjoy doing together and revel in one another’s company. Keep finding new things you like doing. Or perfect the old things!

Tip: Your commu­nity really wants you to succeed at your marriage. Why not let them help? Help them help you by showing them what a great rela­tion­ship you are growing and nurturing.