I’m sure there are people who will say to me that you don’t absolutely need your community’s support to thrive in marriage. But if you have it you’ll do better. We thrive in community.The best way to get your community’s support is to tell them during the wedding that you want their support. You ask this question instead of asking the “does anyone object” question. You can ask the question “will you support this couple in marriage?” People will say “We will.” That will be helpful. But far more helpful is asking the community to make a statement. Have your celebrant make a statement that they can repeat which promises their love and support.

Tip: People take these promises seriously. They will remember. They will offer their support when you need it. And just as importantly, they will celebrate with you when you succeed!

Tip: You want to let your community know that you admire the ways in which they have made their relationships flourish and that you will be needing their support so that you can thrive. You’re going to need them to listen to you and turn you around and shove you back towards home when times are tough. They’ve always supported you and that’s why you’re going to keep looking to them for guidance.

• they’ve always supported you and they’ve always been honest and helpful.
• they have good marriages
• they know and respect one another and will form a good community around you.

Tip: Let them know that they’re special to you and that you’re so grateful that you can rely on their honesty and support.

1. An acknowledgment that marriage is difficult, particularly now when so much mitigates against it. It takes a lot of dedication to make marriage work. Everyone enters marriage expecting it to work. But for all the fa-der-ol about the “sanctity” of marriage, it doesn’t have a lot of importance or support in the real world.
2. An acknowledgment of the importance of community to a wedding couple.The facts are in. Couples do better when their community supports them and this important relationship. The more specific a couple can be about why their relationship is important to them in the wedding, the better able a community is to support that marriage in the future.

Tip: Explain the important role that communities make in keep marriages sound. You’re going to ask people for support. Let them know why it matters. They’re more likely to step up to the task. End result? Closer friends and a better marriage!

1. An acknowledgment of the importance of community to a wedding couple.
2. An acknowledgment of how important this particular community is to you.
3. An acknowledgment that your marriage will thrive more strongly with your community’s support.
4. An invitation to your community to support the two of you, your promises and your marriage.

Tip: Taking these simple steps can radically strengthen your ties to your community and your marriage.

Your community:

1. Who are they?
2. What do they mean to you?
3. What do you want them to do today?
4. What do you want them to remember about Love and Marriage?

One of the most wonderful things that happens at a wedding is that somebody”s Aunt Jane gets to meet your best friend’s wife because they have so much in common. Getting that bonding happening is building bridges for your marriage. Those bridges will serve you throughout your marriage. You want your community to mingle. You want them to remember the important ways in which love has changed their lives. You want them to know how important they all are to you.

Tip: Take the time to tell your community why they’re important to you. And then tell them what you’re offering them at your wedding: a chance for the most important people in both your lives to meet, greet and get acquainted — all while having a great time!

History: You are not the first people to stand hand and hand with your beloved before your community. This is not the first community to gather to witness. Your wedding is one in the long tail of history. As you stand today, so shall others stand tomorrow.

There is amazing strength in history’s sweep. Even if your marriage does not look just like everyone else’s (hint: no one marriage looks like everyone else’s)., you want to tap into the power of history.

If you believe in marriage equality, this is a good place to state that belief: saying that you believe in the importance of the free access to legal marriage for all people.

Tip: Proudly claim your place as people seeking your community’s support as you declare your promises to live together in love.

And what I’m suggesting still has a price tag. You’re going to spend money on your wedding. You’re still going to have to manage a budget.

But your wedding can also be an investment in the future of your community. The more your community is drawn in, the more they participate in the making of the wedding; the more likely they are to participate in the growth of the marriage.

Not everyone is going to want to make their wedding gift an activity or a service. But some will. Some will love finding ways to participate with you. There’s uncertainty to live with. You’ll never know what everything is going to look like day of or what’s going to happen, but it’ll be great. Your community will enjoy it — and so will you. (You are going to have to work on the meaning of the ceremony and the wedding vows so that people know they’re participating in something that makes a difference!)

This is only viable if you are people who are understood to invest in your communities.

Tip: consider a community wedding, where the emphasis is on the people in your lives and your desire for them to witness your vows and celebrate together. And then see what kind of wedding magic you can make together.

President Obama was riffing (which is fairly amusing to see) about himself, his gorgeous wife, Democrats and Republicans. He then made a joke about one of his advisors. He said, “yep when he and I got together, he said let’s do what so many partners are doing. Let’s go to Iowa and make it official.”

Your President and mine, making a joke that acknowledges gay marriage in an approving way! Your President and mine unafraid to create a vision of himself as a guy with a male partner! That’s progress that we need.

Tip: You heard it here first, middle and last.

1. Gay marriage is not what’s causing problems in heterosexual marriages.
2. There is not too much love in the world.
3. There are not too many stable families in our communities.
4. It’s time to stop working to keep people out of marriage and time to start trying to keep people in them.

Gay marriage, their right, our responsibility. Straight marriage? Same deal.

Good on Barack!

Your Post Wedding Behavior!

Offer your community opportunities to participate in your life. Plan parties and picnics and work projects. Make them a piece of who you are and what you do.

And then, let people understand how you’re living into your vows by the way you deal with one another. People are seduced by couples who treat one another with respect and affection. Do things you enjoy doing together and revel in one another’s company. Keep finding new things you like doing. Or perfect the old things!

Tip: Your community really wants you to succeed at your marriage. Why not let them help? Help them help you by showing them what a great relationship you are growing and nurturing.