Category Archives: Weddings with meaning

10 Steps to Building Your Perfect Wedding Ceremony: #3a Ancestors

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You’ve already honored the brides and grooms who came before as part of your Invo­ca­tion. But now you want to honor the people, no longer with us, who had impor­tant roles in your devel­op­ment. As people marry later in life, fewer grand­par­ents and great aunts and uncles, are able to be present at wedding ceremonies.

But beloved grand­par­ents and other elders have often played pivotal roles in our lives. They should be remem­bered, either in a group or by name, as part of the Joining of Fami­lies. Honoring the ances­tors allows you to establish

  1. that you believe family is important.
  2. that you have learned impor­tant lessons from those gone on before.

Tip: Take a quick moment in the cere­mony to honor the memory and perhaps mention the names of those who have gone on before. Some of you will be comfort­able accepting their pres­ence among you as you make your vows to your beloved.

A fun new look at inviting your guests to your wedding

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I’m following Lilia Ahner on Face­book and Twitter. She’s one of my beloved brides, who is now a fabu­lous wedding wedding photog­ra­pher in San Fran­cisco (along with her great husband, Ray!).

a great wedding photographer!Here’s the beauty herself!

She mentioned this great and funny invi­ta­tion on FB. What’s fun about this invite is that it actu­ally talks about the couple. It’s always a balance. The big cream envelopes are luscious. But the story! The story captures your heart and reels you in. Everyone would want to go and see this couple finally march down the aisle. Everyone would invest (as indeed they have over the years!) in the success of this relationship.

I can’t tell you how easy it would be to design a great wedding cere­mony based on this invitation.

Tip: Tell them who you are!  And then invite the ones you love to support your wedding vows! Then live happily and healthily ever after.

10 Steps to Your Perfect Wedding Ceremony: #2a History

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What is marriage? Why have you decided to commit your lives to one another in this way? In the Invo­ca­tion the first thing you want to talk about is

History: You are not the first people to stand hand and hand with your beloved before your commu­nity. This is not the first commu­nity to gather to witness. Your wedding is one in the long tail of history. As you stand today, so shall others stand tomorrow.

There is amazing strength in history’s sweep. Even if your marriage does not look just like everyone else’s (hint: no one marriage looks like everyone else’s)., you want to tap into the power of history.

If you believe in marriage equality, this is a good place to state that belief: saying that you believe in the impor­tance of the free access to legal marriage for all people.

Tip: Proudly claim your place as people seeking your community’s support as you declare your promises to live together in love.

Prop 8 Decision to Come Tomorrow

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Dear Readers,

It looks as if California’s Supreme Court will hand down its rulings on Prop 8 which denies same sex marriage by tomorrow.

So today, while two sides wait in trep­i­da­tion, let me speak to those who don’t believe this is a big deal.

Marriage is a big deal. There are not ever going to be too many loving, committed rela­tion­ships. The right to marry is a big deal. Public marriage engen­ders support from the commu­nity. As a cele­brant, I have seen parental and commu­nity support change as they witness their children’s weddings. “Oh,” they say, “they want to get married because they love one another.”

Another way to have your cake!

In Mass­a­chu­setts, they’ve found that gays, who have the right to marry there, are divorcing as frequently as straights. On the other hand, Mass­a­chu­setts has one of the lowest divorce rates in the country. The highest divorce rates in the country are in states where there is the biggest resis­tance to equal marriage rights.

  • I believe in equality of marriage rights.
  • I believe it will make marriage stronger as it empha­sizes the impor­tance of marriage and the protec­tion of families.
  • I believe it is in the best interest of everyone to work for equal rights and equal rites.

I would like to see people who are concerned about marriage working on helping people stay married. Smacking our fore­heads and saying it’s a dirty rotten shame has not been helpful. Smacking the divorcing and telling them they’re dirty and rotten has not been helpful. Here are the facts. People save more money and are more stable in marriage. Chil­dren are more secure and do better in life when raised in stable two parent fami­lies. Wanna work on some­thing? Work on that!

Tip: Stand up for loving rela­tion­ship. Stand up for stable commu­ni­ties. Stand up for marriage. Everyone’s and your own. Support Equal Marriage Rights.

First Develop Your Spiritual Intimacy with yourself!

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Being engaged, the time before your marriage, is not just a time to plan a wedding. It is the time during which you get to know your intended spouse. To get to know your spouse well you must get to know your­self well. Now when the news is all carrying infor­ma­tion about Amer­i­cans resisting reli­gious labels, it leaves many of us in a grey sector. It’s fine if you don’t define your­self according to anyone else’s labels, but you have to be comfort­able with who you are and what you believe? Why? Because sooner or later you’re going to want to use those beliefs and you might not have time to sit down and sort things out!

So make use of this luxu­rious time. Ask your­self, then ask your beloved:

  1. In what do I believe?
  2. How have my beliefs changed since childhood?
  3. Have those beliefs been tested by obstacles?
  4. Do I have an active spir­i­tual practice?
  5. Does my partner?
  6. Is it shared, compat­ible or in oppo­si­tion to mine.
  7. Is it related to a reli­gious faith?
  8. Deep down when no one’s looking, does it bother me if my partner’s belief system is different than mine?
  9. Should we have chil­dren, do I have needs about their spir­i­tual upbringing that I have not discussed with my partner?
  10. Do we know what we are going to do about a shared spir­i­tual practice?
  11. Do we know what we want to do if we have children?
  12. Are there reli­gious stric­tures around lifestyle choices (foods, pets, chil­dren, friend­ships) that I will want to include in my life?
  13. Are there such things in my partner’s life?
  14. How will we deal as our belief systems grow and evolve? How will we keep sharing?

Tip: This is a wonderful exer­cise to begin and continue with your beloved throughout your life together. Because you will keep evolving. And your religious/​spiritual beliefs are at your very core. Sharing that with your sweetie is sharing your most inti­mate self. This is what marriage is about.