Your vows are the second element on your Marriage Covenant. You know from earlier posts that I believe you should each make the same vows and that those vows should be short and manage­able. Printing out your vows, signing them and hanging them on your wall is a strong decla­ra­tion that these vows are the foun­da­tion of your marriage and the expec­ta­tion of your daily inter­ac­tions with one another.

Tip: Create vows that you want to live by. Create vows that honor this incred­ible rela­tion­ship that you have grown and nurtured between the two of you. And then put those vows on your marriage covenant, sign them and hang them on the world for all to see — and as a daily reminder, this home, this rela­tion­ship, this great Love is where my integrity lies. I will treat myself, my beloved and our covenant tenderly.

As you create your marriage covenant, consider the metaphors you are using for marriage in your wedding cere­mony. Then symbolize that metaphor on your Marriage Covenant. My husband and I used photos of poppy paint­ings that my mother had painted. Mom’s dementia left her unable to be completely present at our wedding, the paint­ings symbol­ized both a commit­ment to passion and an under­standing that we bring to our marriage a rich heritage from both our fami­lies. (Our recog­ni­tion of his Quaker family came in our use of Plain Language in our vows. This is an impor­tant and surpris­ingly quite diffi­cult commit­ment to develop and main­tain.) Another couple’s metaphor was the draftsman’s rendering of their revi­tal­iza­tion of the house they had purchased but into which they had not yet moved. The house was enti­tled SunFlower house and the Sunflowers were a promi­nent design item. They were committed to creating a home together. The creation of home and family was a central theme that we wove into their wedding ceremony.

Tip: As you prepare to be married, take a look at the central values of your rela­tion­ship. Decide what metaphor has the strongest link to those values for the two of you. Here’sthe thing about metaphors: they have life! They will support and encourage you throughout your marriage. Those Poppies hang in our bedroom. The docu­ment (with the poppies) hangs down­stairs. They are a vivid reminder and encour­age­ment of our commit­ment. This summer when­ever we would encounter poppies in the world, we remem­bered. “ah we’re married!” What’s going to do that for you?

I believe it’s a good thing to create and sign a wedding covenant. Unfor­tu­nately, this is not a replace­ment for a license. But it is a binding agree­ment that you are creating within your hearts in front of and with the support of your commu­nity. It is a docu­ment that you should be proud to place on your wall and a covenant that each of you agree will create the bedrock of your marriage for the rest of your life. Make it as elab­o­rate or as sparely elegant as you wish, the senti­ment and the love will always be over­whelming. Take this marriage seri­ously and it will take you wher­ever you want to go into your future.

Tip: As you prepare to marry, create a docu­ment that contains a metaphor for your marriage such as a picture or a drawing, your vows, with a place to sign, an acknowl­edge­ment by the cele­brant that you are married (with a place to sign) and a cele­bra­tion of support by the commu­nity (with a place to sign).