Ok, you designed the docu­ment, you signed your vows, your cele­brant put her Janessa Hancock on the dotted lion and your guests glee­fully signed as witnesses. Now what. Now comes the part that many of us just never quite get around to. PUT IT UP. that’s it. that’s all you need to do. Take some of the $$ you got from your wedding presents and go to the frame store.

If you’re having a legal cere­mony, then you need to have the cele­brant sign it and if you live in a state that has witnesses, they must sign as well. In most states, the cele­brant needs to send the doc in, because the couple that we’re trusting to live in connu­bial bliss cannot be trusted to put a stamp on an enve­lope without tampering with the infor­ma­tion… ? ANYWAY.

Tip: Now that that’s out of the way, the first thing you want to do when you come back from your honey­moon is trot your Marriage Covenant over to the local Frame Shop and get it matted and framed. While that’s happening think about which spot in your house will be the best spot for your covenant. While you’re at the framing store to pick it up, pick up the hard­ware to hang it, come home, bang the nail into the wall and hang your vows on the wall for everyone who enters your house to see!

Ok, you’ve picked a symbol for your marriage for the covenant, you’ve written your vows (woot, woot!) you and your cele­brant have agreed what language you’re going to use about this sacred rela­tion­ship (again, I say, marriage!) and now it’s time to enlist your community’s support.

In each of my wedding cere­monies rather than ask the commu­nity if anyone objects, I ask them if everyone is willing to support the rela­tion­ship. Because I think it’s impor­tant to make promises out loud, rather than just respond “I do” or “We are” or what­ever the appro­priate words are, I always ask the commu­nity to repeat after me. I almost always use these words:

“Partner & Partner, We are witnesses of your inten­tions and we pledge you our love and support.”

You might want to say… “we pledge you and your marriage” our love and support to clarify that your commu­nity views your rela­tion­ship as marriage.

Tip: Design a state­ment of support along with your cele­brant. Have your cele­brant, or someone else, lead the commu­nity in repeating the state­ment. Then, inscribe those words on the covenant, and leave room for everyone to sign… I must say this is one of those places where I don’t like the sign all over the docu­ment, thing, put little lines in to sign just as if it were a legal docu­ment, because, surprise, it just might be!

There’s lots of argu­ment these days, thanks to the marriage equality move­ment about what is a marriage. I think the reli­gious guys have it wrong. (now there’s a surprise!) I think the legal portion of oh, now, what am I going to call it, marriage, is about protec­tion for the family. That should be accom­plished by a civil union. Everyone should have access to a civil union. No sepa­rate but equal, just a civil protec­tion of your rights as a couple and a family. And then there should be a cele­bra­tion of the marriage (if one chooses). The wedding cere­mony cele­brates the spir­i­tual or sacred union, in my lexicon. This is true for all marriages.

Tip: Find a reli­gious insti­tu­tion or a priest, minister, cele­brant or offi­ciant, who will help you create a cere­mony that cele­brates your partic­ular Love and the marriage that will be the outgrowth of it. Once you’ve designed the cere­mony, make sure the cele­brant announces that you are married. Have that announce­ment already incor­po­rated into your marriage covenant and ask your cele­brant to sign it. Then: Hang it on the wall and live into the marriage that is worthy of your great love!