I know there are people whose dream of Step-Children hasn’t worked out well. One friend has had major disappointments with her partner’s children. 20 years after his divorce, they (the fully grown children with their own grown children) still harbor hopes their parents will get back together. This couple has been together for years, she’s as generous and welcoming as it comes, and they’re having none of it.

Yesterday I introduced you to the Queen of Everything. Today, here’s a shot of Hiking Boy. (I know, it’s a little stereotypical, isn’t it? But they’re both California Kids. QOE has hiked as well, and doesn’t wear her crown when she does!)

It’s hard to balance life when kids live far away. I’m just getting to know Selena, Maya and Gary and now Grace and AJ are scooting along, squirming their way into my heart. But the gift of love and of seeing your beloved in another light and loved for who he is, that’s a pretty great gift. Relationships: they’re so much richer than we can understand!

Tip: Keep looking to make more love. It makes the world a far richer place and your life more fun. Here’s GentleBoy so you know it’s not all about Grizzly Adams for AJ! “My” kids have been open and welcoming. And they’re fabulous people. I’m lucky. But my guess is that your beloved has fabulous children as well. After all, your beloved is fabulous!

7. it is somewhat common.

You want to reinforce the notion that love is ubiquitous and that your relationship thrives in the every day. Marriage, after all is an every day activity. The metaphor you choose to illustrate your love in your wedding ceremony should be frequently encountered.

If something is too exotic in your life, then your chances of encountering it are slimmer. You loose the reinforcement that common activities offer. So using an image that involves the life-cycle of a camel if you live in Rhode Island, even if it can be made gloriously beautiful, is not going to provide the daily reinforcement that the tides of the sea or the changing of the seasons might.

Tip: Choose a metaphor to describe your relationship that has value and frequency in your life. Then it can be something more than poetic beauty, it can be a marital aid.

As a wedding celebrant I get all kinds of things in the mail both, snail and cyber. Today’s e-mail brought a lovely idea for a before wedding party with your girlfriends (bachlorette without or before the alcohol) or for the morning of your wedding with your attendants.

Consider doing a yoga class or pilates workout to relax and work on your glow for the wedding. (you probably want to do some sort of yoga or exercise on a regular basis, or have someone REEEALy good teaching the class. But think what all those endorphins and oxygen will do for your glow! And how amazing to be relaxed and breathing before your wedding!

So why not take care of yourself before the wedding? And then refreshed, go enjoy your day!

Ann

p.s. nothing that says boys can’t glow either! If guys take classes that’s great. They might rather go for a run or a bike ride. (and so might you!) but In with the good air! Out with the bad!

Don’t add it to the most terrible things that ever happened to you wedding planning list. Let it be fun. This couple certainly did!

Tip: Approach the wedding dance with plans to have a good time. Look, if nothing else, you get to hold your sweetie in your arms and consider being married. If it’s really not working, finish it with a twirl and a dip. Everyone can learn to do a dip. Then kiss. I’ll bet you’re really good kissers.

2nd Tip: Unless you’re really good at this, find a shortened version of your favorite song! Or invite your parents onto the floor halfway through.

and seriously… you want good undergarments. forget the notion of a gorgeous underwear, never before worn, especially for your wedding. Try this at home: wear it around — for at least an entire day. If it isn’t comfy, it isn’t a go for the wedding. breathing is important. nothing sticking into your beautiful breasts! Nothing constricting your stomach past the comfort zone (which gets smaller as the night goes on.) And what if your beautiful lace thong itches? NO! Don’t do it. This is worth spending to get what you need and even admitting you made a mistake. Shop early — and often if you need to!

You can do this. You can do anything. in fact, you probably already have! So of course you can have a fabulous wedding!

Ann

Today there was an article in the New York Times that said that while it wasn’t the ONLY indicator of marital success, a good indicator was having similar views on money. and if your views weren’t the same they at least needed to be well known and accepted. Money is a huge flash point between couples. and it can kill the romance faster than almost anything.

So why not consider seeing a financial planner and figuring out what your money similarities and differences are. Here’s a surprise: you can plan your way out of some of the problems you bring to a marriage. Imagine, how grown up is that?

Remember, you deserve to live happily ever after. The bad news is that sometimes, living happily ever after means you will have to work pretty hard to make it possible. But you can do it! I believe in you and in your love!

Ann

well at least we haven’t lost our sense of humor along with our memories. go look at: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g1TVOXdNkFo

From: Bloomingproud

This seems to be wedding week at the Washington Post. There was an article on dresses for brides who are being married for the 2nd time (11 percent of all weddings are 2nd brides, 17 percent of all grooms… now there’s another topic for later!). I know not all MABs are 2nd brides (I wasn’t!), but I know many MABs are looking for good options for wedding clothes.

There were two thoughts in the article. One was that you should wear something that’s attractive (Duh) and the second was that you should wear something in which you’ll want to appear some other time. (No!)

So there you have it, permission from the fashion world to look good. (?) It was discouraging that “looking good” meant that you were wearing a sheath that anyone under 110 pounds and 5’9″ would look great in.

It’s nice being fit. Even I have finally agreed that fit is important. I’m taking a weight course (Yea! Strong Women) and I’m swimming again. I’m doing that because I haven’t been taking care of my health and it’s time. It would have been nice if I’d worked that into my routine before the wedding, but I had all these things to do… take care of parents, manage a wedding, write a website. I want to be fit for myself and I want to be fit for my beloved. But not just because people are going to see me. For my wedding I wanted to look and feel beautiful. For me, in my middle-of-the-winter wedding, that meant black velvet. I looked gorgeous, I felt gorgeous (I will wear it again, the moment something formal comes around in my life as parent care and writer. A moment that doesn’t require, um, casual clothes).

You may be the type to wear the creme-caramel sheath… you might look wonderful in something fuschia or deep purple. You don’t need my blessing to look great, but I hope you choose something you feel completely comfortable in. Because however fun the wedding ceremony and reception. It’s a long day. Beautiful but comfy dress. Beautiful, but comfy shoes.

If you have trouble imagining yourself as beautiful, borrow a girlfriend who really likes you and who has impeccable style. Take her shopping with you. She knows your beautiful and will probably know what you’re beautiful in!

It’s your wedding. You should enjoy! (And be comfortable!)

Ann

First I ignore you and then you can’t get rid of me! I’ve been giggling all day after my conversation with my friend Ann. She’s about to be a Mother of the Groom. Always quick-witted, she decided that since she was taking a belly-dance class at the local hospital (what is this world coming to, when people let you do fun things for health!) So ANYWAY, she decided to tell her son that she wanted to belly dance at his reception. she was disappointed because he played right along. I of course told her that as long as she wore beige and kept her mouth shut (which is what they used to tell Mothers of the Grooms) she’d be perfect.

But then I thought: what a hoot! What if the bride and her friends took a belly dance course and danced at the reception? it’s time to recognize how fabulous we are… and to have a great time! Or learn a song and do back-up singing… It’s your wedding, you can have fun if you want to, fun if you want, to, fun if you want to… you would sing too, if it happened to you!

Girlfriends, you’ve got it all going on! It’s all doable, so go do it!

Ann

It’s been a while since I’ve written, sorry! You know how it is… you start out doing something and pretty soon you’re working along on something else and and you’ve completely forgotten what you were working on to start with?

Wow, there’s a post on why MABs should keep it simple!

But the bridesmaid thing is a curious problem for women of a certain age. Do you really want to ask 7 of your best friends to put on a particular orange and fuschia dress that costs a lot of money and flatters nobody except your junior bridesmaid? Probably not. So I think you have a couple options. Ask one, maybe two people (and do complimentary rather than matching clothes) to stand up with you. Or tell every beloved friend you have that your color is magenta and that you want to be bowled over with your favorite color as you march down the aisle with your beloved.

I asked my goddaughter to stand up with me. She was tremendous. I have ‘way to many friends and women I’ve adopted as sisters and then a beloved sister. Eeny, meeny, miney,moe is not a great way to pick your best woman, so, i just bunted. (I didn’t have a color, either, I just said look fabulous! and everyone did.)

So don’t stress the bridesmaid thing. Find someone who will hold your bouquet and loves you enough to hold your hankie while you’re holding your sweetheart’s hands and making your promises. and have a good time.

Girlfriends, we’ve got it going on! and it’s all doable!

So, do it!

Ann