Category Archives: Ritual Activities

What do you want from a Metaphor: #4

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Metaphors work, as I’ve pointed out. But what you want is for them to work well. You’re looking for them to help out your marriage. So, choose a metaphor that will help you.

4.    The image should be “conta­gious” and appealing. It should be some­thing that people can under­stand quickly.

Hall­mark does so well because it uses metaphors that appeal to us. Your job is to find some­thing that appeals specif­i­cally to you, but is completely gras­pable by your community.

Part of the lovely nature of metaphor is that it takes some­thing complex and simpli­fies it for us. OH, your love is like a game of tennis between two friendly and seasoned competi­tors. Good volleys, inter­esting shots, as much interest in an enjoy­able game as in winning the point. (No, really, there are people like that!)

Tip: Find a metaphor that is attrac­tive. Some­thing you would want in your life on a daily basis. Some­thing simple you can work with on a daily basis and then let it help you grow a great marriage.

What do you want from a Metaphor: #3

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You want metaphors that last through time because you want your marriage to last through time. Therefore:

3.    The image should be enduring.

Even flowers have cycles. So build an image that includes the cycles, the fragility and the strength that lie behind the blossom.

So if you’re going to talk about a rose, don’t just talk about the blossom. Remember what Linda Ronstadt’s song said: “Love is a rose, you’d better not pick it, it only grows when it’s on the vine. Handful of thorns and you know you’ve missed it, lose your love when you say the word mine.”

Tip: If you’re going to use some­thing like a rose, use the bush, rather than the cut flower. Cele­brate the way the flower blos­soms and then turns inside during winter. You can find stuff to work with here that will make your wedding cere­mony sparkle and your marriage sizzle.

What you want from a Metaphor: #2

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For metaphors to work well, they need to have refer­ence to our lives. Once we’ve set them up, the more reminders we have of them, the stronger the connec­tions they’ll make for us.

2.    The image should be perti­nent to where you are.

If you’re starting out your life on the prairie, don’t choose the ocean as your metaphor. The prairie offers plenty of wide expanses for exploring! Do you live in a city, where life is vibrant, pulsing and exciting. Or in a forest where life is stately and slow?

Tip: think about those things that are essen­tial in your rela­tion­ship. Then look for a metaphor that speaks to that char­ac­ter­istic. Then, once you’ve found a way to use it in your wedding cere­mony, start bringing it into your daily life. If your life is expan­sive as the prairie is expan­sive, start taking a daily walk in the prairie. Now you’re not only spending time together, you’re walking that metaphor into your heart and marriage.

What You Want from a Metaphor: #1

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You want to find one good metaphor to use at your wedding cere­mony. Metaphors can lodge in our psyches and remain there to encourage us. Ritual activ­i­ties and metaphors that we use cere­mo­ni­ally will remind us for the rest of our life of how we felt when they were first employed. Some­thing as simple as a metaphor can strengthen your marriage for the rest of your life.

1. The image should be perti­nent to who you are.

You don’t want to talk about rela­tion­ship as  a stewpot, blending your life into a flavorful broth, if your rela­tion­ship is built on or at least more like extreme sports. (Be careful about choosing a metaphor or activity that you might not always be able to do. Babies, health, careers can make demands on lives and marriages and triathlon training may not get to be the center of your life always and forever!)

You would only talk about rela­tion­ship as a stewpot if you LIKED stew, or were foodies. You would only talk about rela­tion­ship as a journey if you enjoyed jour­neying together.

Tip: The more familiar the metaphor to your life, the better it will work for you.

Metaphors: What they can do for Wedding Ceremonies and Marriages

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Metaphors are those word pictures that allow us to “get it” very quickly.

If you say that your life together is like a pot of fragrant and deli­cious stew constantly cooking on the stove, constantly changing and trans­forming, you get a pretty good idea what is impor­tant. You are saying that marriage simmers, nurtures, and delights. You are offering a metaphor that will surface time and time again (if you cook). Because every time one of you makes a pot of stew, or even better when you learn to make it together, being respectful of one another’s tenden­cies with the spices, you will be reminded of your wedding day and the promises you made and the dreams you had for your married life. All that from a stewpot.

Tip: At your wedding cere­mony you have the oppor­tu­nity to create small ritual activ­i­ties, ones that make sense in your life now and that you will want to carry on for the rest of your life. Repeating an action that occurred in a ritual moment will call back all of the emotions of that moment.