Ann Keeler Evans, M.Div. » Ritual Activities

Jump over the (witch’s) broom!

akevans — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 13:48:44 +0000

The broom has always signified the domestic side of life. Witches are associated with brooms because their “magic” was thought to be practiced close to the hearth fire. Most “witches” (at least of the Northern European variety) were healers or weavers or spinners. (NB: the “witch children” currently being killed in Africa are often children who have no visible means of support. Brand them as witches, drive them out or kill them, and no one needs to be financially responsible for them.)

So couples who are entering domesticity can symbolize this by jumping the broom.

Wow! they’ve got some height!

Tip: This is a nice way to stop and consider what you’re really doing as you marry. It’s not the wedding that’s important. it’s the marriage you’re creating.

Creating a Statement of Community Support: Ask for What You Want

akevans — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 15:57:17 +0000

The easiest way to get what you want is to ask for it.

I’m sure there are people who will say to me that you don’t absolutely need your community’s support to thrive in marriage. But if you have it you’ll do better. We thrive in community.The best way to get your community’s support is to tell them during the wedding that you want their support. You ask this question instead of asking the “does anyone object” question. You can ask the question “will you support this couple in marriage?” People will say “We will.” That will be helpful. But far more helpful is asking the community to make a statement. Have your celebrant make a statement that they can repeat which promises their love and support.

Tip: People take these promises seriously. They will remember. They will offer their support when you need it. And just as importantly, they will celebrate with you when you succeed!

The Community’s Statement of Support: Why this Community

akevans — Fri, 09 Oct 2009 14:18:12 +0000

It’s helpful to talk at your wedding ceremony, particularly in the statement of support about why this particular community will be helpful to you as you enter marriage. For instance

they’ve always supported you and they’ve always been honest and helpful.
they have good marriages
they know and respect one another and will form a good community around you.

Tip: Let them know that they’re special to you and that you’re so grateful that you can rely on their honesty and support.

Creating a Community Statement of Support at Your Wedding

akevans — Tue, 06 Oct 2009 13:38:04 +0000

This is a piece of the wedding that every ceremony ought to have but few do. Bottom line, marriages that are grounded in community do better. If you tell your community you want their support, they’re going to be more conscious about giving it to you.It’s a fairly simple process that turns the question (left over from when our nuptials were property transactions, pure and simple) “Does anyone object?” to the more important question (because objections should have been raised a long time ago if there were problems!) “Who supports this marriage?” Over the next couple days, we’ll look at the important points:

An acknowledgment of the importance of community to a wedding couple.
An acknowledgment of how important this particular community is to you.
An acknowledgment that your marriage will thrive more strongly with your community’s support.
An invitation to your community to support the two of you, your promises and your marriage.

Tip: Taking these simple steps can radically strengthen your ties to your community and your marriage.

It’s a Dog’s Wedding: Part One

akevans — Tue, 22 Sep 2009 15:20:10 +0000

My dear friend Ms. Mutton Chop wrote to ask me about the role of dogs in weddings. Actually, Muttons, if I may be so familiar, there are many. Particularly if one is as stylish and as relaxed as you are.

Many dogs are present at their human partners’ wedding. After all, they’re one of the family.

Tip: One very traditional role for canines is the carrying of the rings. Rings can be carried in on a pillow if you find that amusing, or they can be tied to the collar. No dog I have ever encountered has found it amusing to have the pillow tied to her collar as they tend to slip around and get in your way.

Selling Kisses as Wedding Shower Fun

akevans — Mon, 21 Sep 2009 14:25:06 +0000

When I was in Sweden, I saw a fun and funny wedding shower going on. The bride and her bridesmaids were on the street selling kisses. They were easily identifiable as a group: all had on the same green t-shirts and the bride had a veil on.

They had contacted a charity and were gathering money for the charity. It was very fun and for a very good cause. People were completely appropriate with the bride and her buddies. It was also completely unknown to me as a concept.

Tip: Do something fun and different for a wedding shower for your dear friend and generate a little money for a good cause!

Fall Wedding Ritual: Sip a Complex Red Wine

akevans — Fri, 11 Sep 2009 14:31:58 +0000

Even though red wines can be fatal to a white dress, if you take care, you can avoid mishaps. (Because you really don’t want to add a Tide Pen† to your wedding ritual!)

Talk about your differences and your similarities and how in this marriage they are blending together as they have in this fabulous wine you have chosen for today’s ritual. You might want to talk about the tastes and what each represents and the role it plays in making the relationship (and the wine!) great. (Check out the video for some pointers on finding the right red wine!)

Red Wines

Tip: Choose a wine that pleases you, design your ceremony around it and invite your community to toast your long life at the reception with this wonderful wine.

What do you want from a Metaphor: #8

akevans — Tue, 28 Apr 2009 13:55:07 +0000

The image you chose as a metaphor

8. should support the wedding vows you are making.

You don’t need to have it in the vows, but the picture the image offers helps everyone to understand why you are offering those specific promises.

Your vows should be written from your strengths, values and talents. They should shore up those areas of your relationship that are not perhaps inately your best talents. Your metaphor should help everyone envision the work you are undertaking. It should be a talisman throughout the years to remind you of the work you are doing… and the joy you have in making these commitments.

Tip: The stronger the identification you can make with a metaphor, and the more frequently the image appears in your life, the more support it will offer your marriage. It will also remind your community to support you whenever they see the image show up and they make the connection to your promises to one another.

What do you want from a Metaphor: #6

akevans — Fri, 24 Apr 2009 12:07:02 +0000

Metaphors work best

6. When there is an activity that accompanies it.

Food you eat, things you plant, water you spill out. These allow the image to settle in more deeply.

The more common the images, the more they will be reinforced in our daily lives. The more they’re reinforced in our daily lives, the greater the meaninng they will have in our marriages.

Tip: choose a metaphor to describe your love that can be reinforced with a small activity. Use it in your wedding ceremony. For 3 weeks afterwards, do the action and think of the way you love one another. There you are, with your love for one another sealed into the sharing of bread, for the rest of your life.

What do you want from a Metaphor: #5

akevans — Thu, 23 Apr 2009 13:06:19 +0000

What else is going to make a metaphor able to support you as time goes on?

5. The image should be comfortable.

You want an image that will settle into your hearts and psyches and provide an a continual glow to renew your connection with your wedding day.

Metaphors that work are simple, attractive and don’t unsettle you. They should invite you. If your love is like a warm blanket, then every time you and your beloved get into bed and pull a particular blanket up over you, perhaps a coverlet you received as part of your wedding gifts, you’re reinforcing the image you generated at your wedding. All of the blessings of the marriage bed are in that simple action of pulling up the covers.

Tip: Find an image to use that will serve you into the life of your marriage. Choose a metaphor that will become more rather than less comfortable. Something that will wear in, rather than out, as it gets more use.