Category Archives: Everyday Life

Sitting Backseat at a Fun-​​filled Marriage Workshop

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I’m on a road­trip with my friends Barb and Paul. We’re winding around the mid-​​west with their new RV as our focus. We’re proving to be persis­tent hunters. It’s proving to be a bit elusive! There have been prob­lems to solve, but we’re going to the source.

This has been a wonderful journey for a newly wed and a wedding priestess. Here they are with all these very real obsta­cles: you can’t ride in a motor home in your wheel chair if you can’t lock in; it’s hot; hand­i­capped acces­sible rooms that aren’t; they’re both tired from a lot of trav­eling, barb’s pain-​​level hovers constantly near intol­er­able, and obtw, this camping thing is some­thing they’re excited about, but will have lots of chal­lenges. All of their skills are being tested. And you know what? They’re thriving.

They get nervous, they find a solu­tion. So far, I haven’t seen those solu­tions include flare-​​ups between them. They have different skill sets, different levels of curi­ousity about different things. And they’re coping. They’re holding on to the dream of how exciting it is and making it all work. And when we get back into the car to go to the next place they’re laughing and affectionate.

Now I know them, I know they’re human. I’m sure there are gripes and snipes that they’re not sharing with me (another learning point!) But this project has been by starts and turns exciting, disap­pointing, worrying, over­whelming. And they’re having an adven­ture. And they’re doing it all with me there.

It’s a priv­i­lege. and it’s funner than lots of things I’ve done recently!

Tip: there’s no reason to take your stress out on one another. Solving prob­lems can make you happy and better connected. And going off on adven­tures is a great way to build and polish your skill set — and have a great time! This is marriage building! Try it, you’ll like it!

Family Reunions, Marriage, Models & Life-​​Going On

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I just returned from an Evans Family reunion. Sadly Darling Drummer was being Darling Drummer and could not go along. It was instruc­tional to know how much I missed him at this event and how greatly I longed for his daugh­ters and their fami­lies to be among the numbers.

This was my father’s sister, Roberta’s, 90th birthday cele­bra­tion. We gath­ered at Chau­tauqua Lake (a vener­able learning insti­tu­tion started for Methodist minis­ters many years ago.) at the huge Athenaeum Hotel. There were 27 of us. Neither the hotel nor the Insti­tu­tion get an unre­served thumbs up from me, but there were many things that were great about it. The biking and lake activ­i­ties prime among them.

But what was best was the family and the ability to move from group to group, catching up on news and the growth of all the littles. Suddenly having daugh­ters it was so easy to see how impor­tant it was to have them be able to measure their babies’ growth against that of the others there. It was lovely to watch the little cousins bond. (Hint: we’ve made some good choices here, if you’re little, you’re cousins, if you’re middling, you’re aunties and uncles, moving on, you’re revered.  Only Roberta was able to be there in the revered cate­gory as Mommie doesn’t travel. And there are now two gener­a­tions of aunties and uncles and SOME of us are not totally embracing of the Great Aunt — at which point the word seems to switch from ant to ont — nomen­cla­ture!) They bonded over sand castles. The elders bonded over wine and beer.

Tip: family reunions are becoming less frequent as fami­lies frag­ment and head off to the far corners of the country and world. Now more than ever we need them. Only fami­lies can teach one another to be family. Only in those groups can we make the deci­sions about what we will keep and what we do not leave for the next gener­a­tion to weed out of family behavior. Your marriage will be encour­aged. Your wounds will be healed. And family wisdom will be exchanged as you rock your way throught the weekend on the corner of the porch reserved just for you.

Fireflies, Soft Black Raspberry Ice Cream and my SweetPea

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fireflies

photo came from: web.me.com/jrichardson4754/Photography/Blog/E..

Last night was a perfect summer night. And for once on a Friday night, I had a date with my SweetPea. We went out for dinner and then out to the Purple Cow, which IMHO has the best soft ice cream around.

We sat and talked as the sun went down and then lingered as the fire­flies came up on the soybean field (low fire­flies only, I guess they didn’t like the trees there!). It was totally magical. Summer in a small sugar cone.

Tip: Don’t miss the chance to slow down and do nothing with your sweetiebeloved!

Goddaughters, Graduation, Friends & Future Bridesmaids

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Aunt Ann is bursting with pride. Her beloved Hannah, goddaughter extra­or­dinare, is grad­u­ating next Tuesday. But before the grad­u­a­tion was the prom.

Hannah has been lucky enough to spend the 7 years at a girls’ school in Manhattan, Mary­mount. It’s been an wonderful expe­ri­ence. It’s also been a godsend. When her mom was dying of cancer, the people at this tiny little school showed up. When she was having a tough year after that unpleasant summer, her friends hung tough. They’ve become the village that helped her dad raise this fabu­lous young woman.

When I got the prom pictures, I was struck not by the girls’ mooning over their dates but rather by their mooning over one another. They’re such good friends. They’re already plan­ning how they’ll stay connected as they dash off to different parts of the world to college. I looked at their beau­tiful faces (and did they plan their increasing shades of pink dresses — oh dear, pretty much!), and thought wow, I want them to be friends forever. I don’t want them to lose touch with what they’ve got. When I do Hannah’s wedding (years from now, I might add!) I want to see this same puppy pile of friend­ship. And I want it tumbling into my arms!

Friends, in this case girl­friends, are the crucible in which we learn to be part­ners.  We also learn how to be better people because they’re encour­aging and chal­lenging us. So, Hannah, Anya and Amelia, Go for it. I’m proud. I’m happy. and I’m elated that you’ve got the girls.

Girls rule!