Adul­tery has gone prime time. Every­where you turn, you see it swirling. And what we’re finding out is that it not only destroys lives, marriages and fami­lies, but can (poten­tially) destroy careers and end lives.

If you look at my different plat­forms you’ll see that I’ve been writing about adul­tery lately. I’ve been getting some surprised reac­tions to my posts and columns. We didn’t think you were that conser­v­a­tive,” folks say.

What people seem to over­look is that I’m not advo­cating that people don’t change. I’m advo­cating civility. (I’m in good company today. David Brooks was also wondering about this.)

You need to keep your integrity and your repu­ta­tion intact. That means acknowl­edging that you’re the person in charge of your deci­sions. That temp­ta­tions are things we give into rather than things that rule us. We have choices. So when you stand before your commu­nity and promise to honor both your beloved and your commit­ments, you’re promising to honor your integrity.  as well. How you maneuver around those vows matters.

Tip: Your self reflec­tion is your greatest gift to your integrity. We’re all tempted in our lives. And keeping commit­ments can be diffi­cult and dirty work. But we made those commit­ments. If we’re going to break them, we need to do that along with the person with whom we made them. We need to face the unpleas­ant­ness as we declare ourselves unable to uphold those promises before we stray.